Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Shame and Ignominy Soup

We just came across this recipe yesterday afternoon, but it has quickly become a family favorite.
Ingredients:
1 small child
1 large, orange dinner (the chunkier the better)
1 public kiddie pool
Feed the child dinner, making sure to really stuff them. Take them to the kiddie pool before they have a chance to properly digest. Allow the child to vigorously splash and play, ingesting large quantities of pool water. Continue the splashing and water ingestion until the child vomits. The vomit should be abundant and frothy with lots of floating bits. Now, notify the nearby lifeguard of the vomit-in-the-pool, and voila! Your "Shame and Ignominy Soup" is ready.

If you're brave, stick around watch the other kids cry as their peeved parents whisk them out of the pool. Also enjoy the annoyed looks from the staff as they drain the pool and scrub it down with bleach.*

Or do what we did, and hightail it the hell out of there.

* Actually everyone was very nice. The truth is that this happens all the time (although the offending solid matter more typically comes from the other end of the child). Also, this incident occurred right as it was starting to storm, so they were about to close the pool anyway. It would have been a lot worse in the middle of a hot and sunny Saturday afternoon.

3 comments:

  1. Yikes! Has your blush subsided to cardiac-safe levels?

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  2. Love the story. My swimming pool story is take 2 toddlers and a baby swimming. Take forever to change yourself and them all out of winter clothes and into swim suits. Take your glasses off and feel your short-sighted way to the pool with said children and get in. Then one of the toddlers pipes up very loudly with 'Mummy, Mummy, I need to go for a wee!' Inside you're fuming and thinking why don't you *%@?!ing do what all the other kids do, as you gamely gather all 3 children together to take them back to the changing room.

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