Thursday, August 25, 2005

A Compendium of My Ridiculously Obsessive Rules of Attire

I know what you've been thinking, "Hey, this blog doesn't completely suck. I wish I could dress just like Slimbolala." Well, now, with these handy guidelines you can!

Work:
  • One of my eight presentable, vaguely retro, short sleeve shirts.
  • White, size-large, pocketless t-shirt (has to be large for tucking in).
  • Dickies plain-front, khaki work pants.
  • Plain, brown, leather belt.
  • Grey socks.
  • Plain, brown, leather work shoes.
Play:
  • Black, size-medium, one pocket (for my sunglasses) t-shirt.
  • Optionally (in cooler weather): one of my eight presentable, vaguely retro, short sleeve shirts.
  • Pants or shorts (depending on climate and dressiness).
    • Pants:
      - Levi's 501s, dark blue OR
      - Dickies plain-front, khaki work pants.
    • Shorts:
      - One of my 3 pairs of vaguely retro, plaid shorts OR
      - Dickies plain-front, khaki shorts.
  • Plain, brown, leather belt.
  • Grey socks.
  • Black, lowtop Chuck Taylors.
Hair:
  • Dax Wave and Groom (I believe the target demographic for this product is elderly black men - I am neither elderly nor black, but it seems to work well enough for me).
Sunglasses:
  • $9 wire-rimmed, rectangular aviators from Rite-Aid.
Cooler Weather:
  • Grey or brown v-neck sweater OR
  • Plain, light-grey windbreaker OR
  • Both.
Cold Weather:
  • Grey or brown v-neck sweater OR
  • Plain, navy-blue jacket OR
  • Both.
  • Optionally: Orange knit cap.
So there you have it. Now we can be wardrobe buddies! Oh, and I forgot to mention, on Fridays, always wear a mustache.

And as always, get off my back. You're weird too.

2 comments:

  1. That's an almost scary number of cross-reference links to previous posts. Just for a moment, I thought you might be making the whole thing up as an elaborate (and creative) way to build a patchwork of old entries, the way a detective might piece together someone's identity from myriad small clues. But if I truly believed that, I would have to start deconstructing the motives of your other entries, and... well, that way lies madness.

    So, I'll just say, that's the most interesting wardrobe description I've ever encountered.

    ReplyDelete
  2. What is truth? What are lies? Perhaps the whole think is an elaborately constructed illusion. Perhaps madness is the only true vision. Mwaah-haa-haa!

    Yeah. Probabably not.

    p.s. Have you been watching the Matrix again? I told you not to watch that anymore. You also get buggy with your weird "everything is a manufactured illusion" deal when you watch that movie. It's not good for you.

    ReplyDelete