Thursday, December 29, 2005

Homesteading

I was looking back over the votes and realized I’ve neglected “homesteading”. My profuse apologies, and please allow me to right this wrong (I also owe you “The Lost Painting at the End of the Earth” - I'll get there one of these days).

Back in Ft. Worth I was working on a Navy base for a couple of days, and, let me tell you, those boys run a tight ship. No detail is overlooked. There was a sign on the men’s room stall that read:
Please do not homestead in this facility. It is not conducive to good order. There are a large number of facilities in Building 1055. If you must homestead, please use those instead.

Thank you,

The Management
In other words, “if you gotta do it, do it quickly, or go somewhere else.” I like picturing “the Management” carefully deliberating their choice of words, trying to decide how to appropriately express their intent, and having a eureka moment, “Aha, 'homesteading'!” Or maybe it’s a well established term, and I just don’t travel in "homesteading" circles. I don’t know.

There was also a chart above the urinals telling you how much water you need to drink depending on the color of your urine.

Now aren’t you glad you asked.

5 comments:

  1. I still don't get it :-(

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  2. Sorry, maybe I'm being cryptic. Dictionary.com defines a "homestead" as:

    Land claimed by a settler or squatter, especially under the Homestead Act.

    In this case, the use is metaphorical. The, ahem, squatter is not claiming land. They are claiming a bathroom stall, which was a precious commodity in this particular building.

    Still too vague? Okay. Don't sit on the toilet for a really long time. If you need to sit on the toilet for a really long time go to building 1055 where there are lots of toilets because there's only one toilet in this building.

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  3. Anonymous12:38 PM

    i try to say it as often as i can, but still, its not enough...................you, my friend, are a genious.

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  4. Anonymous12:40 PM

    i just misspelled genius.

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  5. I shudder to imagine the , um, "ambience" in building 1055...

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