Monday, February 28, 2005

Fox News: "It's Just Bad Journalism"

Commenting on the writings of the recently deceased Hunter S. Thompson:

Guest Commentator / Whore of the Right: You don't insert yourself into the story. It's just bad journalism.
Anchor Skank: Yes! Be "Fair and Balanced" [snicker].
Guest Commentator / Whore of the Right: Heh! Exactly.

At which point a lightning bolt came from the sky and smote them both.

I assume the irony needs no clarification.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Toothy McGraw



What is there to say? It disturbs me too.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Friday, February 25, 2005

This Blog Is Your Blog

Remember those crappy TV shows which were always running out of ideas for material and would get viewers to write in suggestions. Well this blog is like a crappy TV show, except it's a blog. So we're asking you, the esteemed reader, to vote for your choice of blogging material. The options are as follows:

- How terrible Navy maternity uniforms are.
- Fox News says the darnedest things.
- Blog-ology.
- Herbert Muschamp.
- People like Herbert Muschamp.
- What I think about what other people wear.
- What I think about how other people groom themselves.
- Why I like drawing.
- My favorite food.
- Kids say the darnedest things.
- How much I like coffee.
- Chickens.
- Eggs.
- More coffee.
- Still more coffee.
- Celebrities are so funny.
- Plastic surgery is so funny.
- Eric Clapton, and why I don't like his music.
- Why sincere songs so often suck.
- Why sincere songs by Eric Clapton so often suck.
- Why indie music makes me sleepy.
- A funny thing happened on the way to New Mexico.
- Architecture, what's up with that?
- Uptown mamas.
- Yogis are so funny.
- Pleats.
- Sports, what's up with that?
- Martinis.
- Old-fashions.
- Beverages in general.
- Making beverages.
- The weirdest drink I ever made.
- The most obscure drink I ever made.
- Other.

Of course, since only three people ever even look at this thing and only one of you seems to have figured out how to use the Comments functionality, I don't necessarily expect this experiment to go very well. Undoubtedly the stunning absence of response will force me to post votes under various pseudonyms, thus saving myself from painful embarassment.

Ciao.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

"Fancy Ass"

While renovating our old house, my wife requested a specific, higher-end model of toilet seat for the bathrooms, the best available from our local hardware store. As I was checking out, the total for two toilet seats and a roll of duck tape amounted to a non-trivial sum of money. This induced the cheeky young man working the register to comment, "Damn! Somebody's got to have a pretty fancy ass so sit on that."

So true, my friend, so true.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Okie Princess

This one's actually from a little while back, but I'm particularly fond of it. It reminds me of those old WPA photos with my daughter looking like some sort of dream-eyed little dust bowl queen.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

L and J

I warned you at the outset there would be pictures of kids. I didn't lie.

Friday, February 18, 2005

Bad Coffee

Driving through Lisbon, Maryland I stop to get gas. I also want coffee. My first thought upon seeing the coffee is, "What the hell is wrong with that?" It's tan, cloudy, and definitely messed up. My second thought is, "I really want coffee". I pour myself a cup and go to pay. The kid behind the counter says, "The coffee's free". I say, "Really? Thanks." I exit, take a sip, and violently spit it out. I walk back in and say, "That's the worst coffee I've ever had in my entire life." The kid pauses, smiles, and says, "That's why it's free."

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Japan-O-Phile

I was a weird and obsessive kid. This is not all bad (although there are undeniable drawbacks). With the possibility of coolness being unobtainably remote I had the freedom to fully explore my more idiosyncratic interests. One especially pronounced manifestations of my oddity was my "Japanese Stage". This occurred in my late pre-teen years and was triggered by the airing of the Shogun mini-series. I became instantly fixated and got my hands on the book, which I subsequently read two and a half times (two and a half times because it's a very big book, and by the time I was half way through my third reading my obsession had run its course).

This led to a general fascination with all things old and Japanese. For two years I ate everything with chopsticks including Cheerios and ice cream. I got my own Ninja outfit and snuck around the house scaring the living bejeezus out of my mother. I built an ornamental rock garden in the middle of a field. And I got really into traditional Japanese art.

The specific artist I became obsessed with was Hiroshige. My dear old aunt, Annou (also an avowed Japan-o-phile and enabler of my addiction), gave me a book of his work, and I was hooked. It mostly contained landscapes and city scenes:



It also included portraits:



which I then tried to emulate with imperfect success:



Having recently returned to drawing later in life, I started thinking about those pictures again and was just able to reacquire the book (thanks, Mom). Looking at them I realize how much they burrowed into my brain. Although the connection is not deliberate or explicit (and certainly the content is very different) they have clearly had an impact on the pictures I try to create right down to my fondness for narrow, black line drawings and solid, flat colors. And talk about colors, I love Hiroshige's colors, the complex blues and greens and really good greys and yellows. Mmm!

Anyway, I like them. Hopefully you'll like them. There you have it.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Catfish And Chocolate

As my friend, Zack, so eloquently puts it:

"It's like catfish and chocolate. I love each of them, but I can't stand them together."

"And It Got Infected"

Overheard in the hallway at work:
Woman 1: This one girl...
Woman 2: Mm hmm.
Woman 1: She went in for a colonoscopy...
Woman 2: Mm hmm.
Woman 1: And they cut something up there, and it got infected...
Woman 2: Oh, gosh!
Woman 1: And, Oh, Lord! I just try to stay as far away from doctors as possible.
Woman 2: Sure.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Monday, February 14, 2005

First Came Chicken Love

Happy Valentine's Day (or Crappy Valentine's Day if you prefer, although you must admit that the thought of a chicken in love is enough to warm the heart of even the iciest of cynics amongst you).

So I'm undoubtedly exposing my geeky pedigree by posting
ASCII art, but whatchya gonna do. The truth would come out eventually.

Note: If the above text looks like a mish mash of scrambled punctuation instead of an amorous chicken, that is almost certainly a sign that you will have a very bad Valentine's Day. That, or you might just have a stupid browser. Who can really say for sure?

Sunday, February 13, 2005

...Or Egg?



Yeah, I don't know. I just find chickens intrinsically hilarious.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Marm

Something I drew a little while back:



Mean or sad? I'm not sure. Are they mutually exclusive?

More Booty-natin'

Friday, February 11, 2005

Booty-natin'

No one told me this blogging thing actually required effort. In response to this challenge I've decided to follow the only recourse available, plundering the creative output of others, in this case the photos of my grandfather.

Mardi Gras has only just passed so old photos of second lining in the Quarter seem reasonably appropriate.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Cup A Joe

Ok, we're on post number 5. Let's see how we're doing:

Posts: True by definition.
Pictures: None.
Pointless Ephemera: Batting a thousand.

Crikey! There are no pictures! How can we claim any sort of integrity if we're not true to our mission statement as decreed by the site's hastily made up subtitle?

To rectify the situation here's a picture, a little doodle perhaps, but one that makes me laugh. Ha, ha.


Cup A Joe

Whew! Crisis averted. Enjoy.

They Call It "E Mail"

I was just eating some Valentine's Sweethearts candies, and I got one that said simply "E Mail". While I really do appreciate the Sweethearts folks trying to stay on top of current trends in society I just don't think they've quite got a handle on this technology thingy. "E Mail Me", that would be sweet, but plain old "E Mail"? Do they know what it means? I'm concerned.

Note: Ok. So this is not a particularly illuminating post, but quit complaining. I never promised you anything.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

"Cook Your Own Damn Beans"

Overheard in the toiletries aisle of Rite Aid:
"He's always talking about food. But he's from the country, you know. They like to cook. He's always asking for beans with everything. I ain't into that. Cook your own damn beans."

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Conversations with Little People

Little Person: You should try some of this juice, Papa. It's really good.
Me: I'm sorry, sweetie. I can't. You're sick.
Little Person: Ok. Well then you should get your own juice box.
Me: Alright, maybe I will.
Little Person: Ok.
Me: You know, when I was little we didn't have juice boxes.
Little Person: But, Papa, how did you drink juice?
Me: From cups.
Little Person: Just cups?
Me: Yep.
Little Person: Ok.