Thursday, March 31, 2005
I'm not really a big bumper sticker guy. Nor am I particularly into blessing people. But I sure do like Johnny Cash, and when I saw this sticker I was smitten. It will look just beautiful on my crappy little truck.
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Let's check out the votes:
A) An ex-hippie - 1
B) A redneck
C) A scientist
D) An ex-hippie-redneck
E) An ex-hippie-scientist - 2
F) A redneck-scientist - 1
G) An ex-hippie-redneck-scientist - 1
Tabulating by each of the three principal components the vote breaks down this way:
Ex-hippie: 4 out of 5
Redneck: 2 out of 5
Scientist: 3 out of 5
So we have a strong majority identifying the subject as an ex-hippie, a slight majority voting for scientist, and a slight minority voting for redneck.
Now for my purely subjective analysis of the results by principal characteristics:
Mustache: Individuals of all three categories could plausibly wear a mustache, although it strikes me as more distinctly characteristic of the ex-hippie and redneck groups.
Hair: Certainly some rednecks have hair like this and some scientists have hair like this, but they are typically ex-hippie-rednecks and ex-hippie-scientists. I believe the hair is the principal factor in the strong majority for ex-hippie.
Shirt: To my eye, the shirt looks ex-hippie. It strikes me as a sort of "comfortable", denim-chambray type of thing favored by aging baby-boomers. But, really, it's non-conclusive.
Expression: He's angry, or at least grumpy. For me, this nudges him towards redneck, but others reacted differently. Sarah took this as an indicator of ex-hippie-ness. Certainly, many ex-hippies are rather angry. Then again, those scientists can get kind of irritable, always scrounging for grant money, and never having anyone understand them at parties when they explain what they do. Hmm.
The ex-hippie-redneck-scientist intersection is a strange and puzzling place, but thanks to your help, everyone, we are just a little closer to understanding it. Thank you.
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
This is a picture drawn by Louise with annotations by myself. You'll see the small figure towards the top which she said was a picture of herself. Note the short hair. This probably means she was actually drawing herself as Peter (from her Peter and the Wolf stage) . She has done this in several other drawings. The figure is standing inside a blue door. The door has legs. The legs have bones (the loopy circle-things). She's getting the bones-concept from a children's book on human anatomy which we have been reading recently.
Children really are very strange.
Sunday, March 27, 2005
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Friday, March 25, 2005
Look at this guy:
A) An ex-hippie
B) A redneck
C) A scientist
D) An ex-hippie-redneck
E) An ex-hippie-scientist
F) A redneck-scientist
G) An ex-hippie-redneck-scientist
Place your vote in the comments section (and, again, if necessary, I will place votes under various pseudonyms to make it seem like people actually read this blog). You hold the truth in your hands.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
"Something you want to get back really soon."
By the way, I didn't actually do the sketch while standing in the elevator with him.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Anyhow, Happy Birthday, Sarah! Now I've got to go cook a fancy meal.
Monday, March 21, 2005
I said: "Hmm."
I wish I'd said: "Hmm. Well, we're white, but we're just like black people."
Sunday, March 20, 2005
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Friday, March 18, 2005
Gabbana walked around behind him, nodding approvingly at the fit. Then he scooped a few pieces of jewelry from the baskets of bling that were on a table behind him and draped them over the model’s chest.A long time ago there was a song, remember that? People liked it. Then everyone discovered that it was fun to say "bling-bling", and it made them feel kind of sassy. Then their were "bling-bling" sales at the jewelry store in the local mall. That was kind of funny, maybe. Then every journalist, writer, social commentator, man on the street, woman on the street, casual conversationalist, child, and grandmother said the phrase several times. Then it was dead.
But some people haven't stopped. Apparently they don't realized that:
- It's dead.
- It doesn't make them sound black.
- It's really, really dead.
To all journalists, writers, social commentators, men on the street, women on the street, casual conversationalists, children, and grandmothers:
Please, pretty please, stop using the phrase "bling-bling" or any of its derivatives. Thank you.
Good. That should take care of that.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
I hereby passionately denounce Herbert Muschamp as a pretentious fool. He:
- loves to drop names that only a tiny fraction of the readers will recognize.
- loves to launch into esoteric flights of near-meaningless theoretical jargon and baseless metaphors.
- loves to then switch into chatty, cornball, vernacular use of "low" language (he repeatedly used the phrase "bling-bling" in describing Rem Koolhaas' new Seattle Public Library).
- loves rich people.
- loves skyscrapers.
- is a complete ass.
- makes my blood boil.
Herb was unique. Sure, the new architecture critics frequently annoy me. Certainly, there's still no shortage of arrogant cultural insularity in the Times' Arts section. But it's not the same. Herb could be an ass in a way that these new kids can barely conceive of. He could spout more crap from his little finger than most people can spout from their entire body (eesh! sorry about that).
So I won't tell you what to think. I will simply let Herb speak for himself. Love him. Hate him. Ignore him. The choice is yours.
The man in his own words:
On Miucca Prada:
"She has made the world safe for people with overdeveloped inner lives."On the opening of the Prada store in SoHo:
"She is an artist: she would rather hide than speak."
"No one needs Prada to gain access to the work of Louise Bourgeois or Anish Kapoor."
"Prada's cultural projects interest me chiefly because they help to clarify the personality and intentions of a fashion genius. "
"We admire her for the same reason we have always admired Italians. No one can match their talent for engineering mythologies of daily life."
"If there was luxury in the air, it wasn't coming from the clothes, the fancy in-store technology or even the fabulous blocklong space. The luxury was making contact with people you hadn't seen together in one place since 9/11. It was the experience of being with the most solipsistic people on earth and loving them more than ever."On MoMA's "Tall Buildings" exhibit:
"Frank Lloyd Wright created luxury from empty space, Chanel from jersey sportswear, Louis Kahn from poured concrete. Prada creates it out of the desire to be rescued from the isolation that a creative life demands."
"Disembedding without re-embedding: that's how I'd summarize the general thrust of architecture during the period covered by this show. Ulrich Beck, the German sociologist, wasn't thinking about architecture when he coined that phrase. Mr. Beck was talking about the impact of globalization on individual identity. But the impact on design has been roughly the same."Bless his heart.
"Fecundity of form gets great play here, but that is a different matter. We've come a long way from the time when 'modern' signified identical glass boxes. Some skeptics deplore the heterogeneity of today's design as a manifestation of ego, the flaunting of signature statements by star architects. What it actually reflects is the recognition that the city is a libidinous proposition, an experiment in desire."
"Americans are easily shamed these days into renouncing habits. And we are quick to thwart the desires of those who won't go along with our disapproval. Skyscrapers need no justification. But it would be worth building higher merely to disembed ourselves from fear."
Note: And how is our tally going?
- Herbert Muschamp - check
- Hatred - sort of
Monday, March 14, 2005
One might, perhaps, think it's cute. Having read the book I find it very creepy, but I like it nonetheless.
Also, note the "Peter" across the top. Louise is currently obsessed with Peter and the Wolf. She has taken to calling herself Peter and signing her art work as such. The fact that it is backwards is not a scanning screw up. On occasion she accidentally writes it in mirror image, I think because the name is so visually similar forwards and backwards. Curious business.
Friday, March 11, 2005
But please understand I'm lazy, this blogging thing pays real crappy, and Sarah won't let me quit my day job and sell the kids for revenue. Also I never expected anyone to actually respond and was therefore overwhelmed by the crushing 5 (or is it 8? depends how you count) votes I received.
Let's see where we're at:
- Grooming - check
- Navy maternity uniforms - check
- The strangest drink I ever made - check
- Herbert Muschamp
- A funny thing happened on the way to New Mexico
- Uptown mamas
Geez! 3 out of 8. That really is kind of crappy. But trust me. Neither apathy nor Dioxin poisoning can prevent me from fulfilling your wishes. Probably. Maybe.
Man, people are really weird.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Harken unto me, and heed my holy ASCII art:
And don't worry. Jesus likes blasphemy.
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
I said: "Oh, yeah. Sorry, I checked the wrong one."
I wish I'd said: "What? You think I'm fat?!"
I said: "grumble, grumble, #@!, friggin' grumble"
I wish I'd said: "Yeah, but you've got no class!"
I'm concerned. Did you forget it? And if so, isn't that going to cause you some problems later on? Hopefully you'll remember where you left it, and hopefully nobody will have taken it. Next time, be sure to put your name on the tube. That way we can return it to you.
On the other hand, maybe you left it there on purpose in case somebody else needed some. If so, that was really nice of you. I'm all good, but there might be somebody else who will really appreciate it. Thanks for the consideration.
And yes, we are planning to change the name of this blog to "Ass and Coffee."
Monday, March 07, 2005
So unsexy, so unsassy! Hot? Not! This outfit says, "Watch out world! I'm a big, fat cow and and they never should have let women into the armed services! Here I come!"
Comes in 3 sizes:
(BD) Big Disgrace
(RBFD) Really Big Freakin' Disgrace
I'm walking along the Fulton Mall in downtown Brooklyn. Ahead of me are two young guys checking out the women. Ahead of them is a lady with a truly enormous butt strutting down the street in a skin-tight outfit. One guy leans over to the other and, genuinely surprised, says, "Damn! Sometimes there's such a thing as too much ass!"
Quick! Does Cosmo know about this?
Thursday, March 03, 2005
You, on the other hand, will be somewhere else. Sorry about that. But come on back next week. The fun will continue.
Of course, rules are rules, and I had no choice but to beat him up. I felt a little bad about it - beating up old people is just way too easy - but what are you going to do?
Just kidding! One of the the rules is that really old people can hit on anyone they want with impunity. They're also allowed to cut in line at church luncheons. There have to be some perks.
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
|The Neat 'N Tidy||The Biker||The Goatee|
|A small, well trimmed mustache. Not too flamboyant. Popular with straightlaced engineer and ex-military types.||More popular than you might think. Big among the fellows cultivating a Southern outlaw / Harley-Davidson image of which there are quite a few.||Mostly worn by younger, not so redneck-y guys who watch a lot of sports. Generally kept closely trimmed.|
|The Southerner||The ZZ|
|In the mode of Hank William Jr. Sported by the true Southern gents. Sometimes reverts to the Biker or Neat 'N Tidy in warm weather.|
There's actually only one guy wearing this look and he appears to be working equal parts deep-woods hillbilly and wizardy computer guru. A strange combo.
Of course, this is only a start. There is bias. There are omissions. Each group can be further divided into numerous discrete subcategories. I present merely a starting point in what will be a long (and hopefully fruitful) journey towards understanding Beards I Work With. And, as always, feedback from my peers is welcome.
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
Me: What can I get for you?
Customer: Can I have a bourbon and grapefruit juice on the rocks with an olive?
Me: I'm sorry. Can you repeat that?
Customer: Yes. A bourbon and grapefruit juice on the rocks with an olive.
Me: A bourbon and grapefruit juice on the rocks with an olive?
So there you have it. The weirdest drink I ever made was a bourbon and grapefruit juice on the rocks with an olive. I should add that the customer was a young, well dressed, and seemingly sane woman. Go figure.
Note: Matt has also requested that this blog contain more hatred. While this was not, itself, one of the options it was implicit in several of the choices and is, of course, included in the general category, "Other". Don't worry, Matt. There will be hatred a-plenty. Understand, this endeavor is young, and I have naturally been trying to put my best foot forward, but it was only a matter of time before my essential nastiness and vitriol surfaced.