Monday, October 30, 2006

Slim's Concentric Meat Atrocities

These days, everybody knows what a turducken is, the freakish Thanksgiving Franken-entrée consisting of a turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken, first brought to monstrous life right here in Southern Louisiana. (If you haven't heard of it, I recommend you crawl out from under whatever morbidly obese chef you've been living beneath and read a fluffy, holiday themed periodical once in a while.) The turducken is undoubtedly a fine and decadent creation, a noble holiday beast, bringing freakish meaty goodness to any table it graces. But is the turducken the final word in carnivorian excess? We here at Slim's Concentric Meat Atrocities don't think so. And that is why, for the truly indulgent gourmand, we have spawned the following premium creations:

The Cowoatamb. Kick it up a notch with this decadent treat: a lamb, stuffed inside a goat, stuffed inside a cow. Momma didn't cook like this!
- $2,300


The Hibrazelle. Really want to wow the crowd? Bring a taste of Africa to the table with this exotic item: a gazelle, stuffed inside a zebra, stuffed inside a hippo. Mmm... poach-a-licious!
-
$67,500

The Blerma: For the customer who must have the best, no other item will do. Make a statement with this exclusive offer, this pinnacle of meat-stuffing achievement: an orca, stuffed inside a sperm whale, stuffed inside a blue whale. Screw Greenpeace. Life is good. You deserve it.
- $4,800,000
(Requires 6 months advance notice and the passage of legislation repealing several international whaling moratoria. Limited quantity available. ORDER NOW!)

For all orders received before November 1, we will send include a free Slim's Offal Surprise Holiday Goody Basket.

7 comments:

  1. Hrm. I think I'll just go with the vegetarian equivalent this year. To-blerma? To-hibrazelle?

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  2. I don't know about the Blerma. It sounds a little fatty.

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  3. Anonymous9:15 AM

    The first turducken I ever made was for a Johnny party in Annapolis. There was one girl who kept saying, "Oh my god, all that food, it's just so American," as if she wasn't from California.

    Later, she painted a picture of it, which was in a show that got coverage in the Washington Post. According to the article, the "American-ness" of it continued to blow her mind.

    On the one hand, I thought she was a pretentious moron, but on the other hand, because of her my turducken got a mention in the Post. Which was pretty cool.

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  4. Hmm, now I'm left to puzzle out who you are Monsier/Madame/Madamoiselle Anonymous Turducken...

    If the meaty excess was too much for her, perhaps you could direct her to Wesley's more California-friendly to-hibrazelle.

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  5. Sophie2:43 PM

    Oh, I didn't attend St. John's, my fiancee went there from 96-01. I lived in DC for part of that time, and as a result spent quite a bit of time in Annapolis. Now we're both back in NO, where no one bemoans our turduckinous ways.

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  6. Just for clarification: I may be Californian, and a pretentious moron, but it was NOT me. I have always loved food as much as any red-blooded Amurican. And I would devour a turducken with great zeal.

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  7. you've heard, I hope, of the Arabian wedding treat known as stuffed camel? It is the pinnacle of concentric omnivorosity.

    1 medium camel
    4 lambs
    20 chickens (roasted)
    150 eggs (boiled)
    40 kilos tomatoes
    Salt and seasonings

    Stuff eggs into tomatoes, stuff tomatoes into chickens, stuff chickens into lambs, stuff lambs into camel. Roast until tender. Serves 150 people.

    "them's good eatins"

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