Thursday, November 02, 2006

Slim Answers All

Watch out, because I'm about to get all Q & A super-ninja on your arse:
What makes a monkey evil?

Monkeys are evil by default. The more appropriate question would be, what occasionally makes monkeys good. The answer is unknown.

Where does an evil monkey's soul go after death?

Orlando.

What does "monkey business" really mean?

This idiom first appeared in the texts of Ancient Sumeria where monkeys often served as prostitutes. And I think you know what it means...

How did the phrase "monkey on my back" originate?

This idiom first appeared in the texts of Ancient Sumeria where substance abusers and others social outcasts were marked with a large scarlet monkey.

Is their a relation between string theory string beans and string cheese?

Add Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Soup and you have a delicious casserole.

Is there space and time in heaven?

The Earl of Oxford says:
"It is therefore evident that there is no place or void or time outside the heaven. For in every place, body can be present; and void is said to be that in which the presence of body, though not actual, is possible; and time is the number of movement. But in the absence of natural body there is no movement, and outside the heaven, as we have shown, body neither exists nor can come to exist. It is clear then that there is neither place, nor void, nor time, outside the heaven. Hence whatever is there, is of such a nature as not to occupy any place, nor does time age it; nor is there any change in any of the things which lie beyond the outermost motion...." On the Heavens, Bk. I, ch. 9.
So, um… yeah.

Do you believe in an ultimate truth persay (as related to the idea of limitless possibilities and even probabilities)?

All I really need to know I learned from Roger Miller:
You can't rollerskate in a buffalo herd.
You can't rollerskate in a buffalo herd.
You can't rollerskate in a buffalo herd.
But you can be happy if you've a mind to.
And...... time. Rat-a-tat-tat-ta-da!

11 comments:

  1. Hmm, perhaps not so super-ninja after all. Astute readers will note my implication that "monkey business" is synonymous with the bow-chick-a-wow-wow. This is, of course, not true. Under the proper circumstances, the bow-chick-a-wow-wow could be a form of monkey business, but they are certainly not the same thing. Astute readers will then conclude that I must be a filthy minded dirty bird, because only a filthy minded dirty bird could make such an error.

    I throw myself on the mercy of the court. Sorry, I was caught up in the moment.

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  2. Thanks so much Dr. Slim. Now I know what to look for in the evil monkey. I knew Uber was evil when he dipped my electric tooth brush in an unflushed toilet and offered it to me right after I'd eaten lots of Venezuelan dark chocolate.
    This is why I bought the swine a one-way ticket to Poland. He thought he was going back to Honduras. I sent him to Warsaw instead. He'll find out when he deplanes and sees no date palms, only gray skies and snow.
    I've always wondered about the boom-chicka-boom vs. the bow-chick-a-wow-wow and their relation to "monkey business" in the overall scheme of all things fleshy. Thanks for clearing that quandry up. No need to apologize for being caught up in the moment. That's what we are all here for, so say the mystics of the eternal now. What's important is that you consider these questions and answer them with totally hilarious abandon. This is one of the keys that Joe the skeleton is searching for and someday will find, bless his heart.

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  3. This question comes from my dear sweet mate. Where does the phrase "half past the monkey's ass" come from?

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  4. And the Sumerian monkey-prostitute etymology is factually correct. But it wasn't until the Babylonian era, when monkeys branched into other illicit and dubious enterprises, that the phrase acquired the broader meaning it retains today.

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  5. The Sumerian root is interesting.
    So they had monkey prostitutes and women prostitutes? Who got paid better?
    Their mythology and technology are fascinating too.

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  6. I, of course, use "factually" in the broadest sense of the word, including such meanings as "absolutely-full-of-crap-pily."

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  8. Oh, you're into monkey business too I see. You deserve it. You and your family hsve only been through one of the most devastating floods in the history of this oh so young country. Touche

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  9. Fighting a bug doesn't make for coherent comments. It didn't come out quite rightly. What I meant was that you have a right to play monkey business with the facts given what you and your family have been through and are still going through.

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  10. Good to know. What was my justification for playing monkey business with the facts before the storm?

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  11. Possibly that errant-trickster recessive monkey gene

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