Friday, February 02, 2007

Groundhog Day

Today is Groundhog Day. This is my story to honor this day:
When I was coming up, I had a dog, Prince. Prince was a beautiful collie with long delicate features and flowing majestic hair, the spitting image of Lassie.

But Prince was a redneck, a straight up country dog with all the habits and hobbies of a country dog. He was perpetually infested with ticks—in his ears, throughout his coat, everywhere. (Being a country boy with all the habits and hobbies of a country boy, this didn't bother me in the least—I was, myself, not infrequently infested with ticks, though I personally preferred to remove mine before they reached the "plump as a grape" stage.) His lovely coat was matted and thick, natty with dreads. He roamed freely, sometimes disappearing for hours (or, on one distressing occasion, days) at a time.

He loved to chase things, sometimes small, nerdy boys; more frequently small, furry animals, particularly groundhogs. And he didn't just chase them—this was no mere exercise in futility—he would catch the groundhog at the scruff behind the ears, lift it up, and vigorously shake it back and forth until its neck snapped. Then he would gleefully prance about with it, proudly displaying his prize to all. Finally, he would trot off to some hidden cove and feast on it.

Once he found a nest of baby groundhogs. It was just like a Beatrix Potter story except if Beatrix Potter had been completely evil. It wasn't pretty.
Today is Groundhog Day. That was my story to honor this day.

2 comments:

  1. Prince was a beautiful dog but probably the wrong choice for folks who did not have time to comb and brush him regularly. On occasion he had his Lassie moments again after he had been to the doggie beauty salon and been bathed, groomed, etc. He always came out bounding as if he knew he was so handsome once more.

    His thing for furry animals was a mixed blessing--bad for the furry ones but for us sheep farmers it meant less groudhog holes for baby lambs to fall into or for me to drop the tractor wheel into when I am zipping across the field, too fast probably.

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  2. Yeah, those groundhogs had it coming, thinking they're all cute-like.

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