Like Dan Rathers in a Simile Storm

The other day, for some reason, I fell into using folksy Dan Rathers-esque similes all day long.* At work, our server was running slow, and I told our sysadmin that it was running:

"like a turtle on cough syrup"

I have no idea where that came from, but I was rather proud of it. (Good Slim. [pat, pat]) What folks-isms do you like to kick around the ol' vernacular patch?

* I do stuff like that sometimes; I don't know why. I think it's a specific, intermittent sub-varietal of my Beat-Dead-Horse-itis.