So when does one of these giant underwater plumes—noxious slurries of oil and dispersants—bind with toxin-infused organic matter from the depths of the Gulf, gain consciousness and ooze onto land, wreaking havoc, feasting on gas stations and refineries, feeding its insatiable appetite for carbon-based fuels (ooh, an allegory!). When does that happen?*
* Yeah, I agree, I don’t want to watch that movie either. Though imagine how the crowds will cheer when, in its quest to reunite with its “daddy”-creator, the petro-blob finds its way to BP headquarters and embraces CEO Tony Hayward in an engulfing toxic “hug” (from which the executive can be heard gurgling his final words, “I'd like my life back... [glurb]”).