More Phaux Phacial Hair Phun: Big cheesy mustache and soul patch. What's a word that means "funny because it's fake but would be really not funny if it were real"? (Maybe some guys can actually manage this look. I'm not one of them.) Many dudes, in their youth, visit the Land of Misguided Facial Adornments, gracing their visages with various god-awful facial hair get-ups. I (thankfully) never made the trip, but as I trend towards my middlin' years, I'm apparently compelled to imagine what might have been (and then render these imaginings in digital form and then torture my poor wife with them by texting them to her at unexpected moments while she's innocently going about her business).