So the game tonight was to see what I could come up with in five-ish minutes on the Doodle-Ma-Tron. (It's late. I'm sleepy.) The answer, apparently, is this guy. He's definitely got some issues; I can't say what they are exactly, but I wish him all the best and hope he may find peace in his future. Good night.
1 Not to cast aspersions, but I suspect this is a double entendre.