Wednesday, February 23, 2005

"Fancy Ass"

While renovating our old house, my wife requested a specific, higher-end model of toilet seat for the bathrooms, the best available from our local hardware store. As I was checking out, the total for two toilet seats and a roll of duck tape amounted to a non-trivial sum of money. This induced the cheeky young man working the register to comment, "Damn! Somebody's got to have a pretty fancy ass so sit on that."

So true, my friend, so true.


  1. Anonymous1:14 PM

    Something about this story doesn't add up. Was the comment meant to poke fun at you having chosen such an expensive toilet seat? If so, one wonders how many different seats (and how wide a price range) the "local hardware store" happened to have. My local store has 1, I think. So it's not as if you chose a particularly expensive seat at all, and no ridicule is in order.

    Or maybe the guy just meant to comment on the unexpected price of toilet seats as such? (Like someone at the grocery store might say "my, but aren't those raspberries pricy!") But then, since we all use toilet seats at one time or another, we'd all be justly ridiculed as fancy asses, none more fancy than another.

    Is Home Depot your local hardware store? Or was the young man not just cheeky, but really pretty strange?

  2. Ah, yes. I can see that there might be confusion. Consequently, I have slightly modified the original post in a feeble attempt to clarify the matter. For you see, our local hardware store, while not Home Depot, does in fact have several models of toilet seats available (yes, I know, we're blessed), and my wife had, in fact, requested the most expensive one.

    So she does have an exceptionally fancy ass.

    And the young man was, ahem, cheeky.

    Sincere apologies. Also, a promise. All future posts will be carefully vetted for clarity and humor by a hand-selected panel of reviewers representing a range of backgrounds and intellects similar to the readers of this blog (actually I'm just going to read them to my dog and attempt to interpret the expression on her face, but close enough). That's the Slimbolala assurance of quality. You have my word on it.

  3. Anonymous3:21 PM

    A fancy ass, and a cheeky ass, indeed.

  4. I will add that "cheeky" in the context of this story is code for "gay and cheeky".

  5. Anonymous2:18 AM

    I am glad this was clarified