Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Beards I Work With

Cameron has voted for "grooming", an excellent subject but also a large one. Let's narrow it down and talk about facial hair, specifically the facial hair of the men I work with. Below is a brief taxonomy of the principal categories:

The Neat 'N TidyThe BikerThe Goatee
A small, well trimmed mustache. Not too flamboyant. Popular with straightlaced engineer and ex-military types.More popular than you might think. Big among the fellows cultivating a Southern outlaw / Harley-Davidson image of which there are quite a few.Mostly worn by younger, not so redneck-y guys who watch a lot of sports. Generally kept closely trimmed.
The SouthernerThe ZZ
In the mode of Hank William Jr. Sported by the true Southern gents. Sometimes reverts to the Biker or Neat 'N Tidy in warm weather.

There's actually only one guy wearing this look and he appears to be working equal parts deep-woods hillbilly and wizardy computer guru. A strange combo.

Of course, this is only a start. There is bias. There are omissions. Each group can be further divided into numerous discrete subcategories. I present merely a starting point in what will be a long (and hopefully fruitful) journey towards understanding Beards I Work With. And, as always, feedback from my peers is welcome.


  1. Anonymous12:40 AM

    I do not currently work with any beards (except for the other day, when the "beard" was mine, and Diquan, standing in line before we left the classroom for lunch, cocked his head like a puppy and said to me, "Mr G, you need a shave." Laziness-born facial hair doesn't count, I suppose, though). I do remember, however, The Greatest Beard I Have Ever Seen: At Sven and Ole's in Grand Marais, MN. The guy was completely and glossily bald, and had this RED beard (sans 'stache) that was built out of the stiffest, densest hair I have ever seen. Muttonchops flowing down into a perfectly trimmed shelf-like, brick-colored mat. Wonderful.
    Category? Not really Northwoods Lumberman, since the mustache was missing. Gloucester Fisherman? Too big. Is there an accepted category for this beard, or is it a hybrid?

  2. Hmm, yes. The beard without mustache. Clearly its own category, though I don't currently work with any of this particular ilk. Shooting from the hip, I'm inclined to go with "The Amish".

  3. I must say that the biker most resembles the men in my family. Although they're not bikers - they're rednecks.

    Really. One of my uncles is an honest to God cowboy. Chaps, chops, and all.

    But then...Idaho is a tad behind the times...

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