Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Bless His/Her Heart

My cousin, George, aptly points out that the phrase, "bless his heart" or "bless her heart", is a powerful weapon, allowing one to say some really nasty things about people as long as it's tacked on the end. I was trying to think of some funny examples but have discovered that, though the weapon is powerful, it is not without limits, and all of the examples I come up with fall a bit short. My first attempt was:
Britney is a nasty skank, bless her heart.
but it's too overtly mean and therefore fails. A little closer is:
She really can't cook chicken, bless her heart.
but it's not particularly interesting (very stereotypical passive-aggressive homemaker-ish). I'm trying to think of examples that are truly, genuinely nasty but are still covered by the "blessing". Any suggestions?


  1. Anonymous4:43 PM

    "The syphilis shure has made her skin worse, bless her heart."

  2. Anonymous8:43 PM

    How is this for the right amount of meaness, "she really is plump, bless her heart"?

  3. Yes, yes. We're on the right track.

  4. "Brittney got married last week, bless her heart. [I give it 2 years, tops]"

  5. Yeah, that sounds about right. Oh, think of the children!

  6. Is Cousin George from the south? My goodness, he must be. We southern girls learn this at our Mama's knees.

    An example I overheard in an elevator at a conference once - one Georgia belle to another...

    "Well, darlin', she sure works hard." Then that unmistakable downward cast of the eyes and tiniest of shakes of the head followed by, "Bless her heart."

    I broke out laughing - they looked at me horrified. I said - it's OK, I don't know who you're talking about.

    Suspiciously they said, "You don't have a southern accent."

    "Ah... yes... radio work for years... but I know what you meant with that 'bless her heart'."

    They challenged me... "Do you?"

    "Yes, she's a lazy, good for nothing, collecting her paycheck and giving nothing in return, low life, scum sucking, back stabbing, gossip mongering pig."

    They they both laughed. Then one said, "well, she's not really a gossip."

  7. He most certainly is, and great story.

  8. Anonymous2:03 PM

    He couldn't change a light bulb without directions, bless his heart.

    She's dumber than a sled dog, bless her heart.

    Patience is not one of his virtues bless his heart.

    That man/woman sure has ugly babie, bless his/her heart.

    I;m Dixie born and bred, bless my heart.

  9. Anonymous4:15 PM

    She must have gotten that shirt from the good will.Bless Her Heart.

  10. Anonymous7:15 PM

    Ha! Here's another