Monday, April 18, 2005

Why I Should Be the New Pope

  1. I promise to only use the Popemobile for official papal business.
  2. I took a year of Latin in Middle School.
  3. I'm from "the Americas".
  4. Free condoms with every communion.
  5. Transitional, schmansitional. I'm gonna live a long-ass time!
  6. I'd call myself Pope Bibliothecarius II.
  7. Annual St. Peter's Square roller derby.
  8. Ratzinger is funny looking.
  9. I'd make Thursday night "Lady Priests' Night" at the Vatican.
  10. I like Italian food.
  11. Opus Dei and I are tight like that.
  12. I would canonize Elvis.
  13. I would allow gay marriage but only if the couple is really cute together.
  14. My head is really big. I look good in really big hats.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous8:13 PM

    Hey, my head is really big, also, so maybe I should get in the running. But on second thought I guess Catholics aren't ready for a female pope yet so I wiil vote for you.