Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Bad Eighties Elf

Some days I try to amuse you. Other days I merely try to amuse myself*. Today is looking like one of the latter. I had the following conversation with my wife at about 6:30 this morning:

Me: She's going to look weird, but that hair and the heavy eye liner and blue eye shadow... If she did something different she wouldn't look quite as weird.

Sarah: I think she' going for a sort of elf thing.

Me: Yeah but it's not even like cool Millenial elf. It's like bad Eighties elf.
At which point the dorky, sarcastic commentary in my head said, "Ooh! Bad Eighties Elf - awesome band name!" (yes, the dorky, sarcastic commentary in my head is not afraid of rehashing old jokes).

So my question to you is as follows. If Bad Eighties Elf was actually a band, what genre would it be?**

The other question is, what would be the name of their first single?

* I don't mean in the naughty sense. That's an entirely different matter.

** Again, since this is all for my own lame amusement, I have absolutely no expectation that anyone will bother to respond. On the other hand, if you did choose to respond, think how pleasantly surprised I would be.


  1. In the spirit of "my own lame amusement", I will respond to my own question:

    The most likely possibility, to my mind, is an ironic-hipster-death-metal band. Really though, it could fall into any of the various ironic-hipster genres (ironic-hipster-math-metal, ironic-hipster-kraut-metal, ironic-hipster-glam-metal, ironic-hipster-glam-rock, ironic-hipster-post-punk, ironic-hipster-disco, etc. -- they're pretty much all equally fond contrived, arbitrary and sometimes downright misleading band names).

    Tangentially, my favorite local, awful band name is Crawfish Fossil.

  2. Oh, and the single: "Elves just want to have fun."

  3. Anonymous12:44 PM

    they would be 'funk rock' and their first single would be 'when i fall in lust' -- you are so funny!

  4. What were you watching?

  5. Is your question about who we were discussing? It was actually an acquaintance of ours, not a public personality, and I decline to name names (not that anyone would know her anyway). She probably wouldn't be thrilled at being described as a bad eighties elf.

  6. ... ironic-hipster-dulcimer-rock, ironic-hipster-cheese-music, ironic-hipster-cabaret...

    Make it stop!

  7. Anonymous9:50 AM

    In my mind this fictional band is inextricably linked with the real band Retarded Elf (they used to come to the R.C. Bridge lounge from Austin, I think before your time here David). Which I conflate in my mind with Nipples of Isis (another heroic band name). Wierd costumes (think thrash punk speed trumpet played by a man wearing glasses, a blonde wig with braids and a very small child's dress). Like early Red Hot Chili Peppers, fast, blown out with enthusiasm, and so funny...

    But as long as it's fictional... there just arent enough ironic-hipster-math-thrash punk bands playing out these days to suit me...the kind that pretend like the eighties never ended (even though they were in third grade eating fruit roll-ups back then).

    Math thrash.

    first single: Broken Home Pac Man

  8. I think Broken Home Pac-Man is pretty much perfect. And I'm sad to say that no, I never did see Retarded Elf or Nipples of Isis, but the knowledge that they existed does provide some comfort.

  9. Anonymous2:35 PM

    Can't think of a hit single to top "Broken Home Pac Man" but just had to add that this post made me think of the band my husband was briefly in during high school. Their name?

    Mountain Penis.

    I don't know why I find that so hilarious but I do.