Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Coffee Conundra

Sometimes, when I am most desperately in need of coffee, I am too groggy to effectively make coffee.* This is a Coffee Conundrum. There are many possible scenarios. I've:
  • put the grounds in without a filter.
  • forgotten to grind the beans.
  • poured cold water over the grounds (we have an old-fashioned thingy where you pour the boiling water over the grounds yourself).
  • forgotten to put water in the electric coffee maker.
  • forgotten to put grounds in the electric coffee maker.
  • knocked over the freshly brewed coffee (this is particularly traumatic).
  • knocked over the grounds before brewing the coffee (this is really awful because cleaining up coffee grounds is miserable at any time, but it is exceptionally miserable when one is undercaffeinated).
  • successfully brewed the coffee but then lost it before having a chance to drink it (I did this just this past weekend - I finally found the coffee the next day in the microwave).
Are there others?

* I've reduced the frequency of this scenario by brewing a cup of coffee each night, placing it on my bedside table, and then drinking it in the morning before I get out of bed. There are days, however, when even this is not a sufficient remedy.


  1. Anonymous10:52 AM

    Several years ago I witnessed what I consider to be the most extreme coffee conundrum possible. I was sitting in a morning class while my classmate (let's refer to him with the outdated title 'Soyboy') desparately tried to stay awake. He was drinking a cup of coffee-- or at least attempting to. You see, Soyboy was so sleepy that he was incapable of holding the coffee in his mouth long enough to swallow it. He would take a sip, place his cup on the table, his eyelids would droop and warm, mouthy coffee would dribble out of his mouth and down his chin.
    I suppose an IV drip is the only solution in such a scenario. However, I think Soyboy may have been to sleepy to circulate blood through his vascular system.

  2. Anonymous2:04 PM

    rofl -- stop! stop! you're killin' me...

  3. Anonymous9:36 PM

    I think I have come up with a business idea for some enterprising person to assist those with coffee conundrum--early morning home coffee deliveries. Order the night before and then you would just have to be able to stumble to the front door after remembering to put on your bathrobe. Or perhaps there could be a coffee truck traveling throughout the meighborhood in the AM, kind of like the evening icecream truck without the music. As you stagger out to get your newspaper you could grab a cup!!

  4. Not a bad idea, although making it to the front door might be a challenge. Six a.m. is pretty much the only time I really wish I had a butler.

  5. Yes, but I have to drive to get to one, and then I run the risk of running over and killing someone in my sleepy delirium. Do they serve coffee in jail?

  6. I think that they might serve you some Community coffee in central lockup... But you don't want to spend any time on Tulane Avenue...

  7. Anonymous10:33 AM

    DeVO - I have been thinking about this, and last night recounted the tale to my husband, with the conclusion that your solution of brewing a cup of coffee the evening before in order to drink it cold the next morning demonstrates a problem. Alex did not agree, and he has come up with an idea for a "contraption" to assist you, which he is planning on working on this summer once the kiddies get out of school and he has free time. So, beware - I am afraid of this 2.5 months of free time.

  8. Are you asserting that the problem is with the cup of coffee, or the problem is with me? Is this a machine or an intervention? And what is this machine? Are there going to be pulleys and balls in chutes and sleeping chickens which wake up at the sound of a bell and peck at something until something else falls and eventually a piping hot cup of perfectly brewed coffee is deposited on by bedside table. If so than I welcome the "intervention". Otherwise I'll stick to my cold cup of overnight coffee, thank you very much.

    Don't take my "precious" away from me.

  9. Anonymous8:18 PM

    Worry not.
    Back in the days of cigarettes, I knew that I had a "problem" when the first cigarette was burning my fingers before my feet hit the floor in the morning. They were dark, Standard Time mornings, before I headed out to wash breakfast dishes for those damn rowing people at the cafeteria....
    But there is no problem in this situation, either with you or with the coffee. The contraption could include a chicken, if you really want one, but my aim here is to help. The chicken would serve no purpose but to make noise, and that would be unpleasant, which is unhelpful.
    This contraption will be silent.
    I have a contraption of my own. I call her "Beth". She is not silent, but she is pleasant. And helpful.

  10. Awww, that's so sweet! And, yes, I would like a chicken. I'd like a chicken very much. Perhaps we could have its voice box surgically removed.

  11. Hey, great blog! Sounds like you need kona coffee.

    I love coffee and did a keyword search on kona coffee and came up with your site. The association was close, anyway. Take care! Dave