Thursday, July 07, 2005

Darth Dennis

After further reflection on the subject, I've decided that one of the problems with Cindy was the name. Who can be afraid of a Cindy? It simply does not connote terror. And Dennis has the same problem. Utterly unthreatening. We need a name that will really scare people, really make them crap their pants, or at the very least tie down their lawn furniture and fill their car with gas (upon further reflection, I suppose the pants-crapping really wouldn't be that helpful).

We can't do much about the Dennis part. That's already been decided by pasty-faced weather geeks holed up in some Dr. Strangelove-esque subterranean bunker who are undoubtedly too busy writing dirty limericks about the gals at the Weather Channel to bother coming up with any really good names. So no, we're stuck with Dennis. But that doesn't mean we can't embellish. As an initial offering I propose the following:
Darth Dennis, Damnable Deliverer of Detestable Death, Damage, Degradation, and Destruction
It's getting there but could still use some more adjectives and maybe a noun or two. Any suggestions? Once we're done, we can fire it off to all the major networks, and, before you know it, it will be tripping off the tongues of talking heads everywhere. And remember, this a public service, folks, so do it for the children.


  1. So you think "Cindy" doesn't inspire terror. Talk to my younger brother. I'm sure that the mere mention of my name caused the little tyke to shiver in his rompers. Heeheehee!

  2. I thought they were supposed to give all Hurricanes female names!? Why did they start using names like "Dennis"?

  3. FEMA sez:

    "For hundreds of years, hurricanes in the West Indies were named after the particular saint's day on which the hurricane occurred. An Australian meteorologist began giving women's names to tropical storms before the end of the 19th century. In 1953, the U.S. National Weather Service, which is the federal agency that tracks hurricanes and issues warnings and watches, began using female names for storms.

    In 1979, both women and men's names were used. One name for each letter of the alphabet is selected, except for Q, U and Z. For Atlantic Ocean hurricanes, the names may be French, Spanish or English, since these are the major languages bordering the Atlantic Ocean where the storm occur.

    So who decides what names are used each year? The World Meteorological Organization uses six lists in rotation. The same lists are reused every six years. The only time a new name is added is if a hurricane is very deadly or costly. Then the name is retired and a new name is chosen."

    Learning is fun!