Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Pizza: 1 Minute - Popcorn: 2 Minutes - Brains: 3.5 Minutes

We have an acquaintance who is not the smartest person in the world. This observably true. Also, he has related the following story.

When he was younger he was at a party at somebody's house. The microwave at this house had a defective safety latch allowing it to be turned on while the microwave door was open. As a wacky party stunt, our acquaintance thought it would be funny to stick his head in the microwave and turn it on for a bit. He did so.

This, of course, leads to the question, was he dumb before the microwave, or did the microwave make him dumb? I'm guessing both. There's probably a feedback loop going on.


  1. Anonymous8:55 PM

    Which was first: the chicken or the egg?

  2. Anonymous5:29 PM

    We also have an acquaintance--she is, however, pretty darn smart, albeit with a knack for living in ridiculous apartment and roommate situations. One such apartment (I think that this was where her bedroom was a drafty, mouse-infested porch in Minneapolis in winter) featured a microwave with a hole in the door. You can guess the rest.

    Did the residents start out so enervated that they couldn't throw the thing away, or did the daily dose of 'waves cause them to be thus enervated?

  3. Anonymous5:34 PM

    Oh yeah...and the other half of us is wondering if Mr. Microwave also has the distinction of being perhaps the only person this side of the eighteenth century to have had scurvy.

  4. The Other Half is very wise. Righty-oh! Mr. Microwave is indeed also Mr. Only-Guy-In-The-Twentieth-Century-To-Get-Scurvy. See! You're not so smart. Because you're not so smart you stick your head in a microwave. You get a little less smart. Because you're a little less smart you think subsisting for months on an all Ramen diet is a reasonable idea. You get scurvy. Scurvy makes you even a wee bit less smart. Voila! Feedback loop!

  5. Anonymous1:51 PM

    I'm acquainted with Alex's microwave acquaintance, and I'd have to say the ordeal didn't harm her much. However, the owner of said microwave subsisted entirely on a diet of hard-boiled eggs, as did his very large dog. That made for a stinky situation.

    Also, recall that the father in Infinite Jest kills himself by sticking his head in a microwave; he must have had it on for a longer time than your acquaintance. Or maybe he had it on "high", rather than "defrost."