Thursday, January 12, 2006

Even More Funny-Ha-Ha

Once again, it seems appropriate to ask, do you know any jokes, good, bad, or middlin'?* Personally, I have nothing to contribute, so the burden's on you.

* Using the same joke as last time is permissible, although I must warn you that doing so will brand you with the unfortunate stigma of "lameness". Sorry, it's beyond my control.


  1. Anonymous10:16 AM

    hmmm ... okay, but it has to be overheard in new york again.

    Nanny #1: Who were you named after, Paulette?
    Nanny #2: My father.
    Nanny #1: Oh, what was his name?
    Nanny #2: Ette.

    Ticket guy: I'm sorry ma'am, my computer is being awfully slow.
    Ticket gal: Maybe your computer has bacteria.

    Guy: Let me put it this way: if a vegetarian eats vegetables, what the hell do you think a humanitarian eats?
    Girl: Oh, shut up.

  2. As overheard at my company Christmas party:

    Once upon a time there were three helium balloons in a balloon family: a mommy balloon, a daddy balloon, and a baby balloon.

    One day the baby balloon had a bad dream and ran into his parents room to get in bed with them. Unfortunately, try as he might, he couldn't squeeze in as there was no room on the bed.

    So the baby balloon goes around to the foot of the bed, unties the knot on the mommy balloon, and lets a little bit of air out before tying her back up.

    Again he tries to get into the bed, but there's still not enough room. So he goes back down to the foot of the bed and unties the daddy balloon's knot, letting some air out.

    Once more he goes to get into the bed, but there's still not enough room. He paces back and forth, and then unties his own knot and lets some air out.

    One last time he tries to get into the bed, but there's STILL not enough room. At this point, though, the daddy balloon wakes up to discover what the baby balloon has been doing. He takes in the scene, then looks at the youngster disapprovingly.

    "Son," he says gravely, "look at you."

    "You've let your mother down,
    you've let your father down,
    but worst of all,
    you've let yourself down."

  3. Anonymous8:56 PM

    A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard, smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says
    "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."

  4. Anonymous9:19 PM

    My new favorite joke:

    Q: What's brown and sticky?

    A: A stick!

  5. Well, they say they were going to use Mike Brown of FEMA fame to do the New Years ceremony in Times Square if Dick Clark couldn't make it...seems he is really good at dropping the ball.

    And when Mr. Bush was quizzed last year about Roe VS Wade, he said "I don't care HOW they get out of New Orleans as long as they go! (oh wait, I told that one already!)

    Opened Mail
    The Customs Department now admits that U.S. officials do open personal mail arriving from abroad as part of the fight against terrorism, drugs, and the trafficking of bad vacation pictures.

    Top 5 Signs You've Been at Your Job Too Long

    5) Every few weeks, the boss walks into your office and says, "you're still here?"

    4) You can remember your co-workers' names better than your own kids'.

    3) You can remember when the president of the company was just a summer intern.

    2) After all the mergers and consolidations, you're the only one who actually knows what the original name of the company was.

    1) No one notices anymore when you show up to the office without pants.

    TV Guide Changes
    TV Guide is getting rid of its TV listings, and will now become another periodical about celebrity lifestyles. So the magazine that once made millions because Americans couldn’t figure out what was on just three channels is now set to make millions because Americans can’t figure out Bobby Brown.

  6. Anonymous8:32 AM

    are we going to vote on these?

  7. Ooh, yes, a vote! It's been a little while. I have no clear guidelines. Vote for somebody else. Vote for yourself. Stuff the ballot box. Give your vote in the form of a question. Give your vote in the form of a palindrome. Whatever makes you tick.

    I love them all, but right now the "Paulette - Ette" thing and the "brown and sticky - stick" think are really hitting my mood. Short and cheeky/snippy.

    Oh, and new contributions are certainly still welcome.

  8. Anonymous11:00 PM

    Ok, this just in...courtesy of my pa

    What do you get when a clairvoyant midget breaks out of prison?

    A small medium at large.