Saturday, February 18, 2006

The Feral Cat

Tonsorial Week* continues. Today's style? The Feral Cat (your wish, Ms. Nik, is my command):

There is some controversy as to whether the Feral Cat can truly be considered a hairstyle, with many arguing that it is merely a gross misapplication of the veterinary sciences (others, still, have claimed that it is black magic, though this is entirely false).

To achieve the desired effect, an actual feral cat is captured, starved, and taunted, whipping it into a terrified frenzy. It is then dropped on the head of the customer where it tightly clings to his or her scalp, refusing to let go. Over time the feral cat grafts to the customer's head. Its vascular, digestive, and nervous systems gradually intertwine with those of the customer. Ultimately, it is impossible to tell where the feral cat ends and the customer's actual hair begins.

It is most popular among balding men.**

Next up:
The Spittle and Blackstrap

* In the traditional Gregorian Calendar, a week lasts precisely seven days. In the Slimbolian Calendar, it lasts precisely however goddamn long I say it lasts.

** Though it also had a brief heyday as the "it" hairdo among British club kids in the early Nineties.


  1. Oh, you meant feral cat, literally. I was envisioning a look akin to that whole YuGiOh thing hairdressers are running around with these days.

    Yours is much better.

  2. Just got to this. Most excellent, the wait only made it sweeter... Have you ever heard of the Rat King? The idea that a bunch of rats live together in a kind of colony between the walls, so crowded that eventually their tails meld together and they all move as one, giant RAT KING. Development of The Feral Cat seems to arise from similar phenomenon.

  3. Curious you should mention that because the Rat King was actually a popular hairdo among German club kids in the early Nineties.