Monday, April 10, 2006

Guess What's In My Pants

Sunday morning the whole family went out for croissants. As we were leaving, I noticed a woman standing in line wearing black, designer trackpants. And just to make sure you knew they were designer, they had "GUESS" spelled in rhinestones on the butt.* I gave Sarah the sideways nod-'n-glance telepathically transmitting "Rhinestone booty. Funny, funny." Sarah looked, nodded, and deadpanned, "Guess what's in my pants."

Zing! That's why I love ya, baby.

* And don't get me started on the ones with "Juicy" emblazoned on the backside. Yes, I know: Juicy Couture, fun-yet-fashionable, sassy-and-sweet, got-their-own-Barbies, etc., etc. Look, some things should be juicy. Others should not. How can you tell which is which? Easy. Is tomato juice good? Yes. Therefore juicy tomatoes are good. Is ass juice good? No. Therefore juicy ass is not good. Simple, n'est-ce pas?


  1. Anonymous9:46 PM

    Oh thank god you think it's a head-scratcher, too. I was staring at a "juicy ass" just the other day...seen it before, of course, but just found my feminist jaw on the dashboard of the car, again.
    The quest for that whole "A" list Paris Hilton (sex tape? maybe!) look is in reality is a trick, meant to manipulate one into hiding their individuality.
    Women not (yet) plugged in to who they really are (most are still raised to be "nice", obedient) are used as disposables being offered a treacherous opportunity to melt away a little (making even more room for the beneficiaries of a post-feminist Panopticon) -the ultimate dark opportunity to "fit in" and even pressure others to conform.
    It ain't funny when it makes your individuality smaller, it ain't funny when you've been tricked.
    I don't like it.
    It's not funny.

    But I like your drawing, and I like your blog!

  2. Anonymous10:44 PM

    Diamond booty!! Strange ass messages!

  3. Significant oxygen loss to the brain is the only explanation.

  4. The ones that really bug me lately are the Victoria's Secret "PINK" ones...

    I like the way Sarah thinks...

    And I would imagine that sitting on that BeDazzled "Guess" logo could get pretty darn uncomfy...which defeats the whole flippin' purpose of track pants in the first place.

  5. There's an old Emo Phillips routine that goes something like:

    "I saw a woman the other day wearing a tight shirt that said 'GUESS', and I walked up to her and said 'Thyroid problem?'"