Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Hints from Slimbolala

Advice column? Going strong. Series of nifty household tips? Coming right up. World domination? A stone's throw away. But don't worry, my dominion shall be kind, judicious, and full of handy, dandy, nifty little tricks to keep everything humming along right as rain.
Today's tip: When the ice cream is too hard to scoop, put it in the microwave for a few seconds.
Great tip, huh? I made it up myself,* and I'm giving it to you for free. All I ask is that every time you use it, bow your head and silently incant, "Thank you, Slimbolala. Thank you, Slimbolala. Thank you, Slimbolala. Thank you, Slimbolala."

And you're quite welcome.

Warning! If you, like me, are prone to absent-mindedly placing items in bizarre places, this practice could be problematic, gradually eroding the psychic barrier between the ice cream and the microwave and telling your subconscious, "It's okay to store the ice cream in the microwave. That's where it goes." Let me tell you, it's not okay. Discovering the sweet, sticky remains of last nights overpriced Ben & Jerry's puddling onto the revolving tray, well, the heartbreak is palpable. The solution is to mercilessly beat your subconscious into submission while screaming "You're not the boss of me! You're not the boss of me!"

* Because, certainly, no one in the history of humanity has ever thought of this before.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous8:16 AM

    Tip of the day! Another wonderful pearl from your ever active psyche. 15.75 seconds on our microwave is the magic number.
    Before I came to your post, I was thinking of a question of the day feature. But tips are more useful than questions which sometimes just lead to more questions.