Monday, November 20, 2006

My Lady Is a Good Lady...

...but she has one fatal flaw, a blind and dogmatic insistence on watching a movie right from the beginning or not at all.

Perhaps, you're thinking, "Watching a movie right from the beginning? That sounds pretty reasonable. How could that be so bad?" Allow me an example.

We were out—Sarah, Ana, and I—a fun evening on the town, and we wanted to see a movie—something light and fluffy. Best in Show was running, so we decided to see that. But we were late—not very late, mind you, but we'd missed the first couple of minutes of the movie. Sarah suggested we see something else. The only other option was Dancer in the Dark.

Best in Show, you will recall that, is a thoroughly entertaining little mockumentary about a dog show. It makes a person laugh. It qualifies as light and fluffy.

Dancer in the Dark, you will recall, is about a woman who is going blind. Various bad things happen, and in the final scene, she is hung. It is over seventeen hours long, and it is filmed by a homeless man with delirium tremens who Lars von Trier found on the streets of Copenhagen (it's more authentic that way). It does not qualify as light and fluffy.

When it finally ended, we stumbled out of the darkness with nauseous stomachs and bleary red eyes. It was very, very late and our fun evening on the town was very, very over. I briefly considered divorce proceedings but decided against it. She is, in other regards, a good lady.


  1. Anonymous9:21 PM

    Yeah, I used to be like Sarah, but I'm in recovery: now I wantonly march into movies even if I've missed 3 or 4 minutes...maybe even 5! And I no longer have to stay until every single credit has rolled...unless I'm looking for a particular piece of information...

    My condolences on having to sit through a von Trier, especially when you were looking for fluffy. I never saw Dancer in the Dark because I first saw his cheery little pic Breaking the Waves, also 17 hours long, in which a mentally disabled woman starts whoring herself out (but for free) at the behest of her paralyzed & bitter husband, who wants to hear some entertaining sex stories--in the end she is beaten to death, but her husband miraculously walks again and rings a bell in her honor, so see, it's life-affirming AND artsy. I'm still in therapy for that one, so I couldn't afford any of his other films.

  2. "Dancer in the Dark" DVD has edits included that were not in the film version. Total elapsed time is only 3 days.

  3. Anonymous4:02 PM

    She could be like someone I know who will almost never go to see anything except light and fluffy!

  4. Anonymous8:15 PM

    Weird...when I go to look for my astute and hilarious comment from the other day, I see zero comments--then when I opened up the comment window to leave a complaint, I see my original comment and two others. What will happen to this one?

  5. Looking into my crystal-geek-ball I see that you have a bad case of browser-failing-to-correctly-refresh-itis. The comments have been there. Your browser was just showing you a stale copy of the page from the last time you visited. So you were left in the dark. Dancing, as it were.

  6. Anonymous8:39 AM

    I recall a day back in '92 or '93 when we wanted to see a movie, but we didn't have a newspaper to check on movie times, so we just went to the Annapolis Harbour Center thinking, as your lady said, "there will be something playing when we get there". The only movie starting anywhere near when we arrived was the fabulous flick, "My Father the Hero", starring Gerard Depardu in a hideous performance and a lame screenplay. I don't think your lady is entirely to blame for this experience, we were all involved and complaisant, but she did play a major role in its occurance.

  7. ...and there's always Matador.