Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous

We were living in NYC, and I was temping in Midtown near Columbus Circle. It was the middle of the day, and I was sitting on a bench in Central Park eating my lunch. Nearby, a très très Uptown woman (the giant glasses, the hat—straight out of an old New Yorker cartoon) was walking her très très Uptown dog (big* and very purebred). The dog hunched and did his business. When he was done, the lady reached into her purse, retrieved a tissue, and daintily wiped his ass.**

Oh, you didn't catch that? She wiped his ass. One more time. She wiped... his... ass.

Todays moral:
Rich people are weird.

* This was the 90s. Teeny-tiny dogs had not yet achieved their supreme dominance as the de rigeur accessory of the so-and-so set.

** As my friend righty asked, if you're that rich, don't you pay someone to wipe your dog's ass?


  1. what did she do with the tissue?

  2. She ate it. I tell you man, rich people are really weird!

    Actually, I don't remember. The shock of the ass-wiping rendered me near-senseless, and everything afterwards is a jumbled blur.

  3. that's so weird that I can't think of a thin to day about it.

    But I actually came in because I knew you'd want to know. I'm #1 on google for "gay bottom survival kit." I don't think I want to know what they were really looking for.

  4. Grrrrr! Do-over? I can't think of a thing to say ...

  5. We are not rich, however sometimes my spouse spends with ferocious abandon. But she wipes our dog Aldo's ass when he has a problema. Aldo sleeps on her. Thus, she wipes his ass. She uses wet paper towels. She doesn't eat them as far as I know. She's somewhat fixated on Aldo's excrement. I just nod and drink more wine.

  6. Anonymous10:36 AM


    And for more yikes:

    Note: It's the fashion section.

    Holy on-the-go emblems, Batman!

  7. Now that we know he won't leaving "tracks" on her, I dare to ask, what of the poop that was left on the sidewalk? Would she dare remove it; did she dare remove it?

  8. Skeet, I too wonder what's involved in a "gay bottom survival kit." I'm pretty sure it includes a snorkel.

    Marco, yes, not-so-rich people are also sometimes weird.

    Oodles, thank you kindly for the link. One can always trust the Times fashion section to keep us hoi polloi abreast of the fabulous lifestyles of the rich and silly.

    R.R., as with the tissue, I have no clear recollection of the fate of the feces. Blur-blur-jumble-jumble. (Though I suspect she disposed of it in the proper manner. If she hadn't, I probably would have gone into indignant coniptions: "Sure, she'll go the extra mile to keep her precious dog-of-the-elite Bubbles' sphincter fresh and shiny but has no regard for the cleanliness of the park, our park, the People's Park. Down with Tyranny! Vive la revolution!"

  9. Anonymous3:40 PM

    I am not rich or famous but I trim the wool fron my sheep's behind if he/she has had runny poop. Then they are pretty again.

  10. Anonymous1:15 PM

    That last one made my head explode.

  11. me too!

    WV: hoydflam, of course...