Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Father, Son, and Holy Spirits

My beverage-count/frequency matrix looks something like the following:
1 – almost always
2 – usually
3 – not infrequently
You may ask, "Three beverages! What the hell are you doing with three beverages." Really, it's quite simple. There's water (everybody knows you're supposed to drink your weight in water everyday—it makes you supple and youthful and long-living and shiny), there's coffee (my near-constant companion), and there's drinky-drinks. Sometimes they all overlap, and I find myself with a large array of glassware and ceramics in front of me.

I like to think of this as the Holy Trinity of Beverages: coffee up, drinky-drink down,* and water to prevent the crushing headaches and general withering into a husk that would result from the exclusive consumption of the other two.

But which is which? Spirit? That's got to be the booze. Father? Well, water would seem to be the father of all other beverages, so let's go with that. Which leaves coffee to be the Son. Sure, in coffee we are reborn each morning, made whole and new.** Sounds good to me.

Is there a theologian in the house? Can we vet this?

* Though follow this logic too far and you'll wind up like Johnny Cash in the sixties.

** I forget, which level of hell is reserved for me?


  1. Anonymous1:42 PM

    Indeed, when I was in MN we also spent a lot of time with this trinity, and termed the phrase "Caffienate, Hydrate, Enebriate" to describe its effects.

  2. Lately, I've been into the complementary drinks of your primary drink triad:

    coffee+spirits = spanish coffee, et al.

    coffee(espresso)+water = americano

    spirits+water = bourbon on the rocks? beer? scotch served neat? a travesty? not sure on this one.

  3. Anonymous4:57 PM

    Thus saith Slimbolala.

    So let it be written; so let it be done.

  4. Anonymous9:48 PM

    now that's my kind of religion!

    and one would suppose that going to a bar is like going to church :)

  5. "Caffienate, Hydrate, Enebriate"

    Seems like a slogan fo rthe tiimes.