Tuesday, June 05, 2007



Grandma* is the queen bee of the neighborhood slide-n-gliders. But she's no happy drunken Buddha—she's just mean. She's almost always ornery, either because:
  1. She hasn't had enough to drink.
  2. She's had too much to drink.
During, her quieter moments she may dolefully moan as she shuffles down the street in her slippers, "uh... uh... uh...", or mutter some bitter monologue, "Ought to put a diaper on that baby. That baby smells like poo.... I need a cigarette."

In her more expansive moments, her voice echoes off houses and resonates through walls, interrupting conversations for a block around as she berates her perceived offender, perhaps telling them exactly what part of their anatomy stinks and urging them to wash it.**

It keeps things lively.

* We call her "Grandma" even though we don't know for a fact that she is one. But from her age and the large brood of kids around the house, it seems more than likely. If she is a grandma, she's a grandma from hell.

** She does seem to have a lot to say about other peoples odors. Maybe she just has a highly refined sense of smell, bless her heart.


  1. Anonymous11:34 PM

    grandma could totally change her haircut a little and do a good mick jagger. really, picture her clapping, micorphone in one hand, durinig the break of a song, while keith plays guitar. totally.

  2. There are similarities: an ability to loudly project incomprehensible vulgarities; and a sort of herky-jerky stringbean mode of motion.