Thursday, December 04, 2008

Shocking, Really

I have a situation:
The Catalysts:
  1. I bought a new pair of shoes (lovely old-school gray and black checkered Vans, purchased on-the-cheap from the neighborhood thrifty-hipster retail outlet). I'm greatly enamored of them and have been wearing them close-to-constantly.
  2. In my new part-time house-hubby incarnation, I'm now doing a lot more grocery shopping.
The Consequence:

For whatever reason, the particular combination of fresh Vans, shopping cart, and linoleum floor generates an exceptional amount of static electricity, such that I repeatedly get the bejeesus shocked out of me when I reach for desired items on the grocery shelves.*

The Looming Crisis:

I do my best to persevere (bravely muffling yelps of surprise and pain), but if the situation continues unabated, I will undoubtedly develop a deep and irrational fear of canned goods and other domestic wares, causing me to withdraw from the world and live out my days in a boy-in-the-bubble-esque hermit-tent handwoven from anti-static dryer sheets.
Help! What's a half-hipster house-hubby to do?

* The girls find the whole thing very amusing.


  1. Anonymous10:25 PM

    Don't touch a can and the carr at the same time? Ask a physicist or an electrician.

  2. Anonymous10:26 PM

    Cart, that is.

  3. get some aluminum foil-tape for sealing heating ducts, and put a piece from the inside back of the shoe down the outside and underneath. Wear with no socks, and you should ground yourself with each step. Esp. if your feet get sweaty. Plus, old-school checkerboard Vans with such modifications will definitely make you future-styley at the Schwegmanns.

  4. Take Joe shopping with you and let him take the jolts.

  5. I am so-o-o glad you are back posting. The last few days for me have been a little rough. This post made me laugh; just what I needed. Thanks!

  6. Anonymous10:19 AM

    Fascinating!! It must run in the family and I do not even wear old-school checkerboard vans. When I shop I have to make sure I keep my hands on the plastic cover around middle of cart's metal push bar or else I jump and shriek regularly which makes other shoppers think I have Tourette's!!

  7. Anonymous6:20 PM

    This won't be news to you, Slim -- but you are *electric*!

  8. Sometimes, if you rub yourself all over with downey sheets (like you put in the dryer) it helps.

  9. I love that this runs in the family. Those little girls shouldn't be laughing..which one has the 'lectric gene?!