Thursday, January 06, 2011

Slim's Predictions for 2011

  • President Obama will appoint Justin Bieber "Tween Czar".
  • Republicans and Democrats will agree to ban use of the filibuster, put an end to congressional gridlock, and henceforth "just get jiggy with it".
  • Twitter will be surpassed in popularity by the new social-media-of-the-moment, Twit, a micro-blogging service in which all messages are restricted to four characters.
  • Beige will be the new black. Conversely, black will be the new beige. This will create a recusive trend paradox, causing the fashion industry to implode.
  • All wars will cease. International disputes will instead be resolved by competitive ballroom dancing.
  • As nations dismantle their armies and replace them with dance squads, monkeys will rise up and take control of international shipping lanes. A banana shortage will ensue.
  • Bananas will become more valuable than gold. In the new gridlock-free congress, Ron Paul will successfully push through legislation changing the nation's currency to a Banana Standard. After several days, the the National Banana Reserves will turn brown and icky. Financial chaos will ensue.
It should be an exciting year. Your predictions?


  1. pookie8:39 PM

    Wow, I love bananas. I am going to start buying and freezing them. I'll be rich!

  2. Marco7:47 AM

    You know that monkeys hold a special place in my heart, but what if bananas disappear? What would happen? As in "Yes, we have no bananas":

  3. Anonymous8:36 PM

    My predictions are:
    I. Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann will both run for president in 2012. The Iowa Tea Party will schedule a "Hitter Chick Match" between Palin and Bachmann to January, 2012 to choose their candidate
    2. John Boehner will pass out, fall off his bar stool and drown in a pool of his own tears while his cigarette catches the bar carpet on fire sending bar patrons scattering.

  4. Anonymous9:52 PM

    I predict that Sarah Palin's bouffant hair-do will finally explode, leaving her bald. She will no longer be pretty and will lose 3/4 of her disciples. Nobody wants to see a hairless grizzly mama sitting in the Oval Office.

  5. Monkeys, yes!! Tween Czar, no! I'm all for black and beige. It's gonna be a great year, right?